He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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