So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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