I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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