I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
