Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
