yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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