I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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