I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
