So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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