I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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