it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
