Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
