I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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