Your dad touched me again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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