Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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