i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
