i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Couch. On fire.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
