but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
