And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is it penis luge time yet?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
