why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
