Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
