so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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