I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
