Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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