He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
