I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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