you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
