you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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