Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
