id be glad to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
