I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
