My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
