no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
