It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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