Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
