He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
