ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
