Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
