Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
