Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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