I smell stomach acid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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