Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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