I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
