I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
