meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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