Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
