I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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