i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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