ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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