I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
