This is not my ceiling
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
