thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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