...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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