i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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