He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
