I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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