Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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