They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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