I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize