omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
