I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
