Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
