Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
