he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
