Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
