we're chasing vodka with high fives
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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