I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
