i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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